I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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