i need an iv and a liver transplant
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
