My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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