just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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