Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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