The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
