I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
