I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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