is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We smell like vodka and hangover
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