i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
