Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
