Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nutella sex= disaster
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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