dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
