i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
