eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
