you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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