I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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