apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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