I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
