I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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