My nipple is on Facebook.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
