I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
