The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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