just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
