will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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