You're my little dorito
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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