I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
