what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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