he puts the penis in happiness.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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