Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
