HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
