just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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