If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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