i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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