you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
