maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
