So gin and wine won't be happening again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
