The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
