Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
