I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.