I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU