i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."