Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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