Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.