I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
