So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person