The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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