Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yo dont text me then not text me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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