tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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