Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
