If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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