we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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