i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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