Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
