I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
