is your mom at the bar?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
