obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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