Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
