just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dicks are not precious.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
