not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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