He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
