Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize