dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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