Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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