she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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