Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
