Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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