she woke up with a sticky ear
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
