i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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