I wish I could punch you in the face.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
