u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
