I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Two words: nipple clamps
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