I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
