i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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