"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
