I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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