Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
