my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
