He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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