Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
