Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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