I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry my hands just texted you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
