He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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