I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just google imaged poop.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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