My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
