Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
