I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
