I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
