how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
