Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize