I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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