Me too!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
