He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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